MY BROTHER GREGORY
Gregory was a gentle giant, tall, robust with a big heart. His laughter was always off key and truly sincere. I can remember when a friend and neighbor, Elaine, was in a high school production, “A Raisin in the Sun”. The entire production and audience was done on the auditorium stage. So when a certain scene caused the audience to laugh, Gregory would get the funny comment a few moments later after everyone had stopped laughing. Gregory never chuckled, his would be this loud, down in the gut resounding laugh, causing the audience to join him which kept the laughter going, long after the scene.
My mother would attempt to stifle his laugh, or his repeating the words he found funny loudly from the performance which caused him to laugh all over again. Gregory was only 8 or 9. He didn’t care about social etiquette. He saw no need to adapt to whispering or laughing softly. After a while the audience would join in laughing with him. The actors would wait until he finished before continuing their parts.
This was Gregory’s style drawing people into his life, laughing at his timing, always a little off yet adapting to him, accommodating and enjoying the experience.
Gregory’s other attribute was wanting to look out and help people in any way he could, especially to family and friends. His friends were from the lowest socioeconomic to very successful entrepreneurs. He demanded so little from others. He was easy going, like the comfortable slippers gracing your aching feet, taking away the pains of the day. I felt safe with him as did others, no judgment.
I was older than Gregory by 8 years. In his younger childhood I would step in to protect him from other words or actions that would cause any suffering. I became angry and spoke up in his defense if others would tease him or make fun.
Greg would say ,” Pat, it’s okay.”
He wouldn’t take up a defensive attitude. Just shirk it off and go about his activity. I remember another instance, when Gregory was a teen. He had a very challenging acne, so his pimples would be large, not coming to form a head, but welts under his skin. My mother tried everything from mixing sulphur with vaseline petroleum, going from one doctor to another.
It was on one of these visits Greg and I went to a doctor in New York. He had to go on a regular basis to get injections in his face, never complaining. On the way home, we stopped at a record store. I know this dates us, some won’t even know what is a record. Google it. Now, its call vinyl.
There we were browsing through the cassette tapes and this total stranger came up to my brother Greg.
He asks him “What’s wrong with your face?”
Big sister had to jump to my brother's defense, especially after what my brother just had to endure at the doctor. I was shocked and angry by this stranger who felt he had a right to intrude into my brother’s life. This stranger had no right to deserve an explanation in my opinion.
Stepping between my brother and this stranger, I angrily scowled, “What’s wrong with your face?”
I was about to go in on this stranger’s looks, when my brother touched my hand and pulled me away, gently saying “Pat, it is okay, it’s alright. The man quickly moved away from us.
Greg explained “Pat I get this all the time”
I was stunned, “When I asked how he dealt with it, staying so calm?”
He shrugged his shoulders and said “I just explain it because, at least, they ask me rather than point and stare.”
I wished I could have taken his pain and suffering away. I realized how strong in character he was after understanding what he was going through in his high school years. I had no idea what he was dealing with, he often joked but rarely complained. Now don’t get it twisted, Greg, was no push over. He would often look out for me and others. He, also, was a sports enthusiast, knowledgeable on stats, history etc. football his favorite along with anything that had a ball.
Later, when I would think about his choice of a female companion. One in particular, Whitney, she had mental health issues and very little family support. She had this sweet, childlike innocence, outwardly very attractive. Greg tried for years to be supportive in this toxic relationship. Eventually they would go their separate years.
Gregory seemed to live his life helping others including our parents. I wish he could have done more to help himself. Part of Greg’s lesson for me is the need to balance what you do for yourself matters just as equally, if not more, for what you do for others. My younger brother died suddenly at 39, deciding on his career path to become a nurse, working at FedEx. His lifestyle caught up to him before he could make the necessary changes he wanted for himself.
You shouldn’t wait for the right moment, just start little by little. That right moment might never come.
